


Komorebi

by ShiroRikiya



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe, But He Gets Better, College Student Akashi, High School Student Kuroko, M/M, NotOkay!Kuroko, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phone Calls & Telephones, Randomness, and kinda not at the same time?, im not sure how to tag this, its kinda serious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2018-09-02 04:10:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 11,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8650819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiroRikiya/pseuds/ShiroRikiya
Summary: "Hello? Is this the Suicide Hotline?"





	1. Hello?

“Hello? Is this the Suicide Hotline?” 

 

At the question from the strangely calm and empty voice, Seijuurou jerks slightly and all the sleep clinging onto him leaves in an instant. He takes away his phone and looks at the screen. Unlisted number. Huh. Seijuurou had answered his phone right away without checking who was calling because Ryouta had said earlier that he would call and Seijuurou assumed that it was Ryouta. Well, it seems like it’s not Ryouta after all. 

 

“Hello?”

 

At the repeated question, Seijuurou scrambles to get his thoughts together and answers, “Um…no. You’ve got the…wrong number.” 

 

“Oh.”

 

“Uh, yeah. I’m sorry…?” 

 

“No, it was my fault. I’m sorry for disturbing you. I knew I shouldn’t have tried at all. This was a mistake,” at the last two sentences, the stranger’s voice drops, just like Seijuurou’s heart. 

 

The stranger just sounded so…resigned. As if he has just used his last resort, knowing that it would end in vain but still, he dares to try, only to be smacked in the face with rejection. 

 

“Anyway, I should go now. Sorry again, for disturbing you.” 

 

“W-wait!”

 

“…Yes?”

 

“What’s…your name?” Yes, Seijuurou knows that it was a dumb thing to ask but he had called out to the stranger without thinking, knowing that it would be bad if he let the stranger go now. So now his mind is blank and so, Seijuurou said something idiotic. 

 

“Why?”

 

“What ‘why?’”

 

“Why would you ask for my name?”

 

“I…is it wrong for me to ask?”

 

“Not really…,” the stranger doesn’t say anything for a while and Seijuurou’s starting to think that he’d left but the stranger speaks again. “Well…you can call me ‘Shadow.’”

 

“’Shadow?’” Seijuurou asks, unable to stop the small smile forming on his lips. 

 

“Yeah, Shadow,” Shadow confirms and Seijuurou could hear the smile on his voice. “What about you?” 

 

“Me? What about me?” Seijuurou asks, taken aback by Shadow’s question. He never thought that the other would want to know anything about him. 

 

“What’s your name?”

 

Seijuurou leans back on his headboard and mindlessly traces the patterns on the wall, a smile playing on his lips. “You can call me ‘Red.’” 

 

“’Red?’” Shadow asks, amusement in his voice. 

 

“Yeah, Red.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Because I like the color red,” Seijuurou answers and he shrugs his shoulders, even though Shadow couldn’t see it.   
Shadow chuckles and Seijuurou smiles again. It’s strange. Seijuurou’s not really a person who smiles a lot. He’s more on the serious side of things but somehow, talking to Shadow is making him crack a smile after smile. He knows nothing about Shadow at all and he’s literally a stranger but there’s something about his dry and deadpan voice that makes Seijuurou smile. Even thought Seijuuurou knows that this is not a situation that he should be smiling in. 

 

“Shadow?”

 

“Yes?” 

 

“Why…why did you call?” 

 

“It was a mistake. I must’ve pressed the wrong number.” 

 

“No, I mean, why did you call _them_?” 

 

All the sound from the other line ceases and Seijuurou just hates himself. He’s a fucking idiot and he should really smack his head on the nearest concrete wall. Really. 

 

“I…I don’t really want to talk about it,” Shadow says after a long while of staying silent. 

 

“That’s okay. Do you want to talk?” 

 

“About what?” 

 

“Well, I’ve recently finished this book called ‘Kokoro’ written by Natsume Soseki. Have you read that before? Do you like reading books?” 

 

“Yeah, I like reading books. Especially by Natsume Soseki. Kokoro’s my favorite,” Shadow answers and Seijuurou feels fondness well inside him as he hears the enthusiasm in Shadow’s voice. 

 

Now with a subject that he could talk about, Seijuurou’s mind starts working double-time, thinking of words to say to prolong the conversation so that Shadow won’t leave. 

 

“Kokoro is my favorite too. Especially the part where-“ 

 

“Red?”

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“I know what you’re doing.” 

 

“…Are you angry at me?”

 

“No, it’s fine. Tell me more.” 

 

And Seijuurou continues talking with a small smile on his lips.


	2. What's the sky like?

“And that’s how our English teacher explained why the story of Cinderella is not just a simple children’s story but about a girl losing her connection with god.” 

 

“I must admit that some things fit in but I still think that your teacher is reading too much into the story.”

 

Shadow chuckle slowly and Seijuurou smiles again. “Yeah, I agree with you. I really think that my teacher is reading too much into it and putting unnecessary meaning into a lot of things that doesn’t even need it. I mean, if you try hard enough, you can give deep meanings to anything, even to a glass of vanilla milkshake.” 

 

Seijuurou tries to stop himself from snickering but fails and in seconds it develops into full-on laughter. 

 

Him and Shadow have been talking for two hours now but they don’t seem to run out of topics. He had called first, mumbling out a hesitant ‘good morning’ followed by a lot of incoherent apologies in case he had disturbed Shadow. But Shadow didn’t seem to mind and said that it was okay, he didn’t disturb him. And from then on their conversation proceeded from an awkward greeting to the difference of Pepsi and Coke to appropriate toppings for pizza and now this, about Shadow’s teacher who lectured them about the story Cinderella and telling them that it’s not a simple children’s story but something much deeper. So deep that Seijuurou can’t even see Adele rolling down there anymore. 

 

All of a sudden, Seijuurou hears the ringing of bells from the other side of the phone. 

 

“Oh, I have to go now.” 

 

“Eh?’ Seijuurou utters out, dumbfounded.

 

“It’s lunchtime. I have to go and eat lunch because normal people do that during lunchtime. Or do you want to listen to me as I eat?” 

 

Seijuurou laughs. “Wow. No need to be so sarcastic, Shadow. Wait, are you in school?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Oh. High school?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Ah.”

 

“…Why do you sound so surprised? Don’t tell me you’re an old man. Are you? I kinda assumed that you’re the same as me, but I might be wrong.” 

 

“Well…”

 

“So, you are an old man.” 

 

“Hmm, who knows, right?” Seijuurou snickers to himself. 

 

“Ugh.”

 

Seijuurou laughs, genuinely having fun messing with Shadow. “You should go now and eat, Shadow.” 

 

“Hmm.”

 

“Later, then.”

 

“Later.” 

 

Shadow cuts off the line and Seijuurou puts down his phone, a small smile still on his lips. He really had fun talking earlier. Shadow is a really interesting person. Seijuurou could say one opinion about something and Shadow would immediately reciprocate with his own opinions. They could go on and on about anything and everything. Now, if only he could just approach the subject about why the first call happened…

 

“Akashicchi!” 

 

Seijuurou looks to his left where he sees Ryouta walking towards him, waving and sporting a hundred megawatt grin and Seijuurou waves back. 

 

“Hey, Akashicchi! How are you? Midorimacchi couldn’t come because he’s accompanying Takaocchi doing some important stuff. I don’t really know,” Ryouta says as he sits besides Seijuurou. 

 

“That’s fine. Of course Shintarou would accompany him, you know how he feels about Kazunari,” Seijuurou answers and grins conspiratorially at Ryouta. 

 

Ryouta’s eyes glints evilly and he grins back. They snicker together like little kids for a while before Ryouta stops abruptly and turns to Seijuurou, a pout on his face. 

 

“I tried calling you yesterday, Akashicchi but your phone was busy. Did you block my number again? I already swore I wouldn’t spam your phone with texts again!” Ryouta cried. 

 

“Oh,” Seijuurou laughs. “No, I didn’t block you, not this time. I was talking with somebody else.” 

 

“…Wait, you said this time…,” Ryouta starts to say but then he focuses on the second half of what Seijuurou said. “Ooohhh!! Someone? Who? Who? Who? I know for a fact that it’s not Midorimacchi or Takaocchi or Murasakibaracchi. And you’re smiling that smile that you do when you’re genuinely having fun. So, who is it??’ 

 

Seijuurou couldn’t help but smile as he looks at the eager smile on Ryouta’s lips. “Well, his name’s Shadow…” 

 

“Shadow? Odd name,” Ryouta tilts his head, puzzled. 

 

“Yeah. It is, isn’t it?” 

 

“He sounds interesting. What’s he like?” 

 

Seijuurou talks, telling Ryouta about Shadow and their conversations, never giving away anything important about him. And for an hour, Seijuurou fills the afternoon air with nothing but things about Shadow. 

 

Half an hour after Ryouta had left, Shadow calls and Seijuurou answers eagerly. Maybe too eager. 

 

But Seijuurou’s excitement died a fast death when he hears angry shouting accompanied with loud bangs while someone’s heavily breathing from the other side. 

 

“Shadow? Is that you?”

 

“Yeah. I’m sorry for disturbing you but-“ another loud bang erupts as if someone threw something heavy and the shouting goes up a notch. 

 

“Shadow? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” 

 

Shadow takes a shaking breath before he answers. “Y-yeah, I’m fine. I just…I-I just-“

 

“Shadow, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain. But are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you need help to get away?” 

 

“No, it’s okay. They don’t really bother about me. I just… I don’t want to think. Where are you now, Red?” 

 

“I…,”Seijuurou blanks out for a while, his mind reeling as to how fast Shadow could change the tone of his voice. First, he was shaking and he sounded like he was about to fall apart and the next, he’s just empty. Blank. Completely vacant. 

 

“Red?” Shadow tried to keep his voice flat but it trembles at the end and that snaps Seijuurou out of his head. 

 

“Oh, um, I’m in the garden right now.’ 

 

“Garden? What’s it like there?” 

 

“It’s nice here. There are a lot of flowers. Especially hydrangeas. And the weather’s nice today too.”

 

“Really? I didn’t notice. What's it like?" 

 

“Yeah. It’s a pretty sky blue. It’s my favorite.” 

 

“I thought you liked red?” 

 

“Yeah, I like it but sky blue is my favorite.” 

 

“Oh.”

 

“…Did I said something wrong?” 

 

“No.”

 

“Okay…?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Shadow laughs a little. 

 

“Tell me more, Red.”

 

“Okay.” 

 

Shadow laughs a little louder. 

 

And Seijuurou smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> funfact: Kuroko and Seijuurou's conversation about the story of cinderella is based on a conversation me and my friend had about our teacher who told our class about this theory of hers.


	3. Clouds are nice, aren't they?

“Hey, Red.” 

 

“Hey, Shadow. Good afternoon.” 

 

“…”

 

“Uh…something wrong?”

 

“You okay? You sound off.” 

 

“Huh?”

 

“You don’t sound like your usual self. Something happened?” 

 

“I…,”Seijuurou hesitates. He didn’t think that he was so obvious. He was pretty sure that he sounded the same. “Yeah, I’m not feeling so good right now.” 

 

“Something bad happened?” 

 

“Kinda like that.” 

 

“Hm.”

 

Seijuurou stays silent, not really knowing what he should say next. 

 

“Clouds are nice, aren’t they?’ 

 

“Uh…huh? Shadow, your thought process changes so fast that I can’t keep up at all,” Seijuurou says with a short laugh. “Where are you anyway? Your end sounds awful windy.” 

 

“I’m in the school rooftop.” 

 

“What?! Why are you there?!” Seijuurou sits up, heart suddenly pounding fast at what Shadow said. 

 

“Calm down, Red. I’m not gonna jump off the roof and kill myself. And besides, there’s a fence around the rooftop. I don’t think I can climb them at all.” 

 

“Th-that’s not! I-I don’t!” 

 

Shadow laughs. “Red, it’s okay.” 

 

“…”

 

“So, anyway. As I was saying, clouds are nice, aren’t they?” 

 

“Well, maybe? I’ve never really looked at them.” 

 

“You haven’t? Well, they are nice. They look like cotton candy and they look so soft.” 

 

“But aren’t they just made of water?” 

 

“I know but don’t be a dick, Red and just let me imagine them as extra-very fluffy pillows, or something,” Shadow says in a flat and dry voice and Seijuurou chuckles. 

 

“People say that you can make out shapes from clouds. Is that true?” 

 

“Yeah, it’s true.” 

 

“What can you make out from the clouds?” 

 

“Well, there’s a basketball, a frog, a popsicle, a star and there’s a cloud shaped like an angry face of a raccoon…”

 

Shadow continued on talking about clouds and Seijuurou listened, his chest gradually feeling lighter. When Shadow was in the middle of describing a cloud that looked like a Shiba Inu, Seijuurou finally realized what was happening. 

 

“And then there’s this one that looks like a-“ 

 

“Shadow?” 

 

“Yes?” 

 

“…Are you trying to cheer me up?’ 

 

“Gee, Red. Did you really have to ask that? Yes, of course I am. Now, can I continue talking about this ice cream cloud?” 

 

Seijuurou chuckles. 

 

“Yes, you may continue. I’m sorry for disturbing you.” 

 

“Good. Now, where was I again…? Oh yeah, the ice cream shaped like a cloud…”

 

Shadow continues on and a small smile slowly blooms on Seijuurou’s lips.


	4. Favorite food?

“Hey, good morning, Shadow.” 

 

“…”

 

“Shadow?”

 

“You sound okay now. That’s good. Good morning.”

 

At Shadow’s statement, Seijuurou’s thoughts halts for a moment and he blinks a couple of times. Shadow’s too perceptive sometimes. Yesterday, they had spent the whole day talking until Seijuurou was clutching his stomach from the pain because he was laughing too much. Shadow had kept on talking and telling Seijuurou about funny things until he had forgotten his worries and at the end of it, Seijuuoru had fallen asleep with a smile on his face.

 

Shadow ended cheering him up even though it should’ve been the other way around. 

 

“Have you had your breakfast yet?”

 

“Hm.”

 

“Really? I kind of don’t believe you there.” 

 

“Yes, I did. I had a vanilla milkshake.” 

 

“…That’s…not a proper meal. You should be eating properly. Especially if its breakfast, Shadow.” 

 

Shadow chuckles. “What are you? My grandma?” 

 

‘Huh? Not ‘mother?’’

 

Seijuurou doesn’t comment about it and files that information away for usage later. 

 

“Well, if I have to be, then yes, I’m your grandma. And your grandma says that a vanilla milkshake is not a suitable meal for breakfast and you should be taking care of yourself. And that includes eating a proper and well balanced meal. “

 

“But vanilla milkshake is my favorite,” Shadow complains, a hint of whining in his voice. 

 

“Favorite or not, it’s still not an appropriate meal.” 

 

“…You’re never gonna let this go unless I agree to eat properly, are you?” 

 

“Yes.”

 

“Fine. I swear on every holy shrine there is here in Japan that I will eat a proper meal.” 

 

“Good.” 

 

Shadow laughs.

 

“Red, you’re an interesting person, you know?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. Now, I have a question. Since you know now what my favorite food is, tell me yours.”

 

“My favorite food?”

 

“No, your favorite brand of tissue. Of course, your favorite food.”

 

Seijuurou laughs. It’s really fun messing with Shadow and making him break out into sarcasm. His flat and dry voice turns sarcastic and it just never fails to amuse Seijuurou. 

 

“It’s tofu soup. It’s really-“

 

“Ew.”

 

“D-did you just said ‘ew?’ How dare you!” Seijuurou cries out playfully. 

 

“I can’t help it. Tofu is disgusting.” 

 

“Hey, it’s not.” 

 

“Yes, it is.” 

 

“No, it’s not.” 

 

“Yes.”

 

“No.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“…No.”

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Seriously, it’s not.”

 

“Seriously, it is. It doesn’t taste anything and that’s ew. I like eating food that has flavor, not something that tastes of nothing.” 

 

“And that’s why tofu is amazing. Because its versatile. It can absorb any flavor so you can make it according to your taste.” 

 

“Tofu is still disgusting.”

 

“Wow, rude.”

 

“I am.”

 

“You just haven’t eaten the right tofu soup then.”

 

“I don’t really care if I get to eat the perfect tofu soup or not.”

 

“You wound me.”

 

“Good.”

 

Seijuurou gasps, failing to cover his snickers completely. 

 

“You know, one day, when we meet each other, I’m gonna make you eat the perfect tofu soup and you’re going to take back everything that you said today.”

 

“Oh, really?”

 

“Yes, I swear.” 

 

“Hm.”

 

“I really do.” 

 

“Well, looking forward to it.”

 

“I will make you eat a tofu soup even if I have to force you.” 

 

“I’m scared.” 

 

Seijuurou tried to but he couldn’t stop himself from laughing at Shadow’s deadpan voice.


	5. No, Shadow. Just. No.

Seijuurou wakes up to his phone ringing and he reaches for it on instinct, only to hiss in pain when he turns it on and the light from his phone literally burns his retina off his eyes. 

 

“Hello?”

 

“Red?”

 

“Shadow?”

 

"Yeah, it’s me.”

 

“What time is it?” Sejuurou looks at the digital clock on his bedside table and 1:46 AM glowers at him in bright red. 

 

“Uh, it’s early?”

 

“Too early. You okay?” 

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’ve just been thinking.” 

 

“About what?”

 

“About our conversation earlier.” 

 

“Which one?”

 

“That one about the tofu soup.”

 

“Yeah? What about it?”

 

“I was thinking, I’d be willing to try it.”

 

“If?”

 

“If it was vanilla flavored. “

 

“Shadow…what…?”

 

“You said that tofu is versatile and can absorb any flavor and since I like vanilla, maybe a vanilla tofu soup would be nice.” 

 

“Shadow, why?”

 

“What?”

 

“Shadow…this is…no. Just. No. Please.”

 

Shadow laughs. 

 

“Please stops messing with me. It’s too early for this. Half of my brain cells are still dead.” 

 

Shadow laughs again.

 

“Go to sleep, Red. And think about vanilla flavored tofu soups.”

 

“Shadow. No. Just. No.”

 

Shadow laughs harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise. Two updates. eh. I dunno XD


	6. Lonesome Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Lonesome Town by Ricky Nelson.

“Hey, Shadow. Good afternoon.” 

 

“Hey, Red. Good afternoon to you, too.”

 

Seijuurou was about to respond but then he realized that Shadow sounded too cheerful. It was only a slight difference but Seijuurou could tell that it was forced and that Shadow was hiding something. 

 

“Red? You there?” 

 

“What’s wrong, Shadow?”

 

“Wrong? Nothing’s wrong.” 

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“Shadow, I know that there’s something wrong. You’re not the only one who can pick out the difference in a person’s tone of voice, you know.” 

 

“…I…I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

Seijuurou sighs. Of course, Shadow wont just magically open up to him and let him help. 

 

“Okay, I won’t force you to tell me what’s wrong. But, at least tell me this. Are you okay? Physically? Emotionally? And no lying.” 

 

Shadow sighs on the other end. 

 

“No and no.”

 

“Elaborate.” 

 

“I’m…kinda hurt and uhm…I feel…I don’t know. I think I’m feeling sad but at the same time numb. I’m not sure.” 

 

"Do you want to talk about it?” 

 

“Didn’t you just say that you won’t ask me about what’s wrong?”

 

“No. I mean what you’re feeling right now.” 

 

“I never knew you were a shrink, Red.”

 

“…”

 

“Sorry, sorry. I…god, I don’t know, Red. I don’t know what I should say. I don’t know what I’m feeling. I’m sad? But I also feel empty? And…and I…I…my body hurts, okay? My face and arms hurts too! They hit me too hard this time! Is that what you want me to say?!” Shadow was breathing hard that later turns into shaking breaths. “I was doing okay, Red. I was doing okay…my acting was good but you had to be a jerk and ruin my performance. You just had to ask what’s wrong and now I’m crying and my face is a mess.” 

 

Seijuurou keeps quiet and says nothing as Shadow sniffles quietly on the other side. 

 

“…Sorry, Red.”

 

“It’s fine. You okay now?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Hm.”

 

“I hate you, Red.”

 

“Why?”

 

“You’re nice to me. I hate it.”

 

“Is being nice to you a bad thing?” 

 

“Yes. I don’t like it. I’m not used to people being nice to me. I don’t know how to deal. Every time that someone’s nice to me, they usually want something from me. So, what do you want, Red?” 

 

“Nothing. I just want you to be okay.” 

 

“…I don’t believe you.”

 

“That’s okay. You don’t have to believe in me right away.” 

 

“…”

 

“Shadow?”

 

“…You’re really weird, Red.” 

 

“That’s fine with me.” 

 

They stay quiet for a few minutes, listening to each other’s slow breathing. Seijuurou was looking outside the window, at the clouds, trying to make out shapes from them while humming an old song when Shadow speaks again. 

 

“Is that Lonesome Town?” 

 

Seijuurou stops humming and smiles slightly. 

 

“Yeah. You know it?” 

 

“Yeah. I like that song.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“Red?”

 

“Yes, Shadow?”

 

“Will you sing it for me?” 

 

“Lonesome Town?”

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“That’s fine with me but I’m not sure it’ll go well with my Japanese accent.” 

 

“That’s fine with me.”

 

“Okay.” 

 

“Okay.”

 

Shadow laughs a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. 
> 
> I just want to say that I have not abandoned my other fics. It's just that...my life that I've painstakingly rebuilt is falling apart again. Very fast. Right in front of me and I'm just not in the mood or right frame of mind to write anything. 
> 
> But i still wanted to update at least one of my fics so, here it is. 
> 
> /)o_o/) 
> 
> Merry Christmas.


	7. No Longer Human

“Pineapples grow on trees, right?" Shadow asks the moment Seijuurou picks up the phone. 

 

“Well, hello to you too, Shadow.” 

 

“Trees, right?” 

 

Seijuurou chuckles, wondering what brought on this question. 

 

“No. Pineapples grow from plants.” 

 

“…”

 

“They’re like this plant with sword like leaves that’ll stab you in the ankles if you get close.” 

 

“You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

 

“I’m not. You can go and Google it.” 

 

“…Fine.”

 

The call cuts off and Seijuurou laughs to himself, imagining the disbelief in Shadow’s face when he finally confirms that Seijuurou is saying the truth. 

 

Seconds later, his phone rings again. 

 

“…”

 

“Shadow?”

 

“You’re right.”

 

“I told you.”

 

“Yes. But it’s so weird.” 

 

“What’s weird?”

 

“I always thought that pineapples grow on trees but then they’re actually from plants. Pineapples growing from the ground…weird.” 

 

Seijuurou laughs. 

 

“Well, it’ll be much more weird to see a tree with pineapples just hanging from its branches.”

 

“Hmm, yeah, you’re right. I guess it’ll be much more easier to imagine a pineapple growing from a plant than a tree.” 

 

“Yep.”

 

“Wait. They stab you in the ankles?” 

 

“Yeah. The leaves are sharp and if you’re not wearing thick enough jeans and you get close, it will hurt. A lot.” 

 

“So you’ve seen one before?”

 

“Yeah. Me and my friends visited a pineapple farm some years ago. It was a nice experience.” 

 

“That’s interesting. I’d like to see a pineapple plant too.” 

 

“I know you will.” 

 

Shadow chuckles.

 

“What? You’d take me to a farm or something?” 

 

“Yes. If you want.”

 

“Cool.”

 

“It’s a promise then.”

 

Shadow doesn’t reply and an awkward air hangs between them and Seijuurou just wants to sew his mouth shut forever until Shadow speaks again. 

 

“Red?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Are you reading a new book?”

 

“Yes. I just started it yesterday.”

 

“Still Natsume Soseki?” Seijuurou could hear the smile in Shadow’s voice and he couldn’t help but do the same. 

 

“Yes.”

 

“Which one?”

 

“I Am A Cat.”

 

Shadow hums.

 

_”I am a cat. As yet I have no name. I’ve no idea where I was born.”_

 

Seijuurou smiles again. 

 

“You’ve read it already?”

 

“Yes. I told you, Natsume Soseki is my favorite author.” 

 

“Nice. Are you reading any books right now?”

 

“Yeah. It’s not a Natsume Soseki. Actually, it’s the first time that I’ve read a book from this author. It’s good.” 

 

“What’s the name?”

 

“No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai.” 

 

“No Longer Human?’ Seijuurou asks with a bit of surprise in his voice.

 

“You’ve read it before?”

 

“Yes, I have. Though I can’t really say that I enjoyed it as much as his other work, ‘The Setting Sun.’”

 

“I like No Longer Human. I don’t know why but it just makes sense to me.”

 

“It makes sense to you?”

 

“Yeah. I can’t really explain how it makes sense to me, but it does. It’s bleak, extremely bleak but…it doesn’t feel forced at all. It’s like a weary and patient pain,” Shadow pauses for a bit, as if he was thinking more about what he said. “Sorry. I’m not making sense, am I?”

 

“No, I like it.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Yes. It’s interesting to know how you think about it.”

 

“Hm.”

 

“Tell me more?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

And this time, Seijuurou laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. It's been a while. :)
> 
> My life is still falling apart and there's nothing I can do but wait till everything is in pieces and the storm's passed so I can start building my life again. It's like I'm standing at the end of a train tracks and I can hear the train coming but I can't see it just yet and I'm standing there at the end waiting for the inevitable impact. 
> 
> But anyway, here's another update :)


	8. Thank You

Seijuurou wakes up to his phone ringing and answers it automatically. He only knows one person who would call him at random times. 

 

“Hey, Shadow. What time is it?”

 

“It’s 1:12 AM,” Shadow replies, not even a hint of guilt in his voice for waking Seijuurou up at one in the morning. 

 

“So, what’s up?”

 

“…”

 

“Shadow?”

 

Seijuurou calls his name again but Shadow doesn’t say anything and if it weren’t for the soft breathing from the other end, he would’ve thought that Shadow had hung up on him. 

 

“Sha-“

 

“I just wanted to say thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For last time.”

 

“Last time?” 

 

“The other day when I was hurt and I shouted at you. I’ve already said sorry but I haven’t thanked you yet. So…thank you.”

 

“Shadow, its fine. You don’t have to thank me for anything.”

 

“But I do,” Shadow insists and somehow, Seijuurou gets the feeling that Shadow’s not just saying thank you for the other day. He gets the feeling that Shadow’s saying thank you for something more.

 

He was about to reply when he hears a loud banging from Shadow’s end. It sounded like someone was pounding furiously on a door. 

 

“Shadow, what’s happening?” 

 

“I-“

 

“Open this fucking door, you piece of shit! I know you’re in here! Don’t even play dumb, you fuck! Open this door, boy, or I’m gonna fucking kill you!” the pounding sound goes up a notch higher and seconds later, Seijuurou hears a breaking sound. Like a piece of wood is placed under great pressure. 

 

“Shadow! Shadow, what’s happening?!” 

 

“Red, thank you.”

 

Seijuurou hears the door breaking open and heavy footsteps getting closer. 

 

“I’m gonna fucking kill you.”

 

“Shadow?! Shadow?! Shadow, answer me! Shadow!”

 

 

And the line went dead.


	9. Oh

Seijuurou was going to throw up. 

 

It’s been two days since Shadow had last called him. Shadow had said thank you and another voice had said that they were going to kill him and the call got cut off. His heart had pounded painfully fast, to the point that he felt lightheaded and he had fought with himself to stay coherent and called Shadow again. But there was no answer. He had already lost count how many times he tried to call Shadow when he realized that he was crying. He remembered getting angry with himself as he wiped his tears away weakly with his hand and pressed call again only to be met with the same result. Approximately seventeen tries later, he realized that he was sobbing loudly when he heard the frantic knocks on his door, asking if he was okay. After that, everything was nothing but a jumbled mess of hazy memories. The only thing he remembers clearly is a soothing voice telling him that everything would be okay and if his limbs hadn’t felt so heavy, he would’ve shouted at them. Shouted that _it’s not okay because Shadow is not and he won’t pick up his phone and Seijuurou just wants to_ hear _his voice._

 

He had waked up incredibly late later on. Well, 9:00 AM isn’t really that late but usually, he’d be awake at 6:00 in the morning, and by 6:30 he’d already be on his phone, greeting Shadow ‘good morning’ and talking about the weather and trying to guess how the weather later on would turn. But that didn’t happen and Seijuurou woke up at 9:00 AM, feeling like he’d been thrown inside a washing machine with it on the highest dial and then thrown out again after an hour, confused and just shaking. 

 

It just felt _wrong._

 

Not hearing Shadow’s voice first thing in the morning felt wrong. 

 

Everything should’ve been the same except for Shadow’s absence in his day but it felt like everything was not real. It felt like someone had stolen all the things around him and had replaced it with a replica, so good that you’d have a problem telling it apart from the real one, but at the same time, still unable to replace the original thing. So he had stayed there, on his bed, staring at nothing and trying to convince himself that everything was still the same. That he had not been transported to another dimension in his sleep. 

 

Ryouta had arrived two hours later, asking if he was okay. 

 

And that was two days ago, and now, Seijuurou feels like he’s going to throw up. His stomach has just been swirling and it would get worse every time he tried to call Shadow and the other won’t pick up. He knows somewhere in the back of his mind that the acid that was bubbling up behind his throat was panic and he was maybe a day or two away from having a full-blown panic attack. But he couldn’t do anything. 

 

Shadow was not answering him, he had not heard Shadow’s voice for two days now and Shadow is out god knows where and he could be _dead_ and even though Seijuurou tries not to think of that volatile word he’d remember Shadow’s voice when he said thank you, as if he was saying _goodbye_ and every time that happens Seijuurou just wants to rip his hair out or throw up everything inside his stomach, everything inside him, his guts, his lungs, his heart. 

 

So he tries to reason with himself. He tries to tell himself that Shadow can’t be possibly dead. He can’t be. Shadow is strong, the strongest person that Seijuurou had met in his life so he can’t be dead. For all he knows, Shadow could just be sitting somewhere inside a fast food place, drinking a glass of Vanilla milkshake so there’s no need for him to worry at all. No need to worry at all. Shadow is strong and he’s okay so why _why_ **_why_** would he worry it’s not like- 

 

 

 

 

Oh. 

 

 

 

_Oh._

 

 

 

 ** _Oh._**

 

 

 

 

Seijuurou throws up.


	10. Selfish Bastard

For the hundredth time, my thumb hovered over his name. I wanted to call him. I don’t know why but I wanted to call him. I wanted to hear his voice. 

_**Yes, because you’re selfish. You don’t care for anyone else but yourself. You’ve hurt him too much and he’s finally free from you now but no, you’re just so fucking selfish. You don’t care if you hurt him. He, who had done nothing but be kind to you. You won’t ever let him go even if it means that he’ll get more hurt in the end because you’re just so fucking selfish, you disgusting piece of shit!**_

No.

No.

Stop that. 

I’m not!

I care about him!

I don’t want to hurt him!

Something touches my shoulder and I couldn’t help but flinch. 

“Tetsu, you okay?”

Oh, it’s only Aomine-kun. 

“Yes, I’m okay.”

“Really? You spaced out for a bit there.” 

“I’m fine, Aomine-kun.”

“…Okay.”

Aomine-kun didn’t really look convinced but he didn’t pry further which I’m thankful for. 

“Just call them,” Aomine-kun says out of the blue and my head snaps up to him. 

“What do you mean, Aomine-kun?”

“Well, you’ve been looking at your phone all day and you’ve just been looking at that one contact. You look like you really wanna call but scared at the same time,” Aomine-kun says as he rubs the back of his neck. He looked really awkward about it but seemed to really want to help me. “At least this one time, abandon your fear and just do what you want. So, just call them, Tetsu.” 

“Did you said this to yourself too when you decided to ask that model for a date, Aomine-kun?” Aomine-kun splutters and his face turns red like a tomato. 

“Why, you! I was trying to be nice here, you dick!” 

I smile a little.

“I know. Thank you, Aomine-kun.”

Aomine-kun smiles back at me. “Well, I gotta go now. Have some place to be.” 

“A date with your ‘beautiful, amazing and perfect boyfriend who is the sunshine of your life?’”

Aomine-kun looks at me, the expression in his face a mixture of horrified and embarrassed. 

“Wha…”

“Your words, not mine.”

“Oh my God, you asshole. I’m going,” Aomine-kun throws up his hands in defeat and he sounded so tired of my shit but he smiles at me before he leaves. 

Aomine-kun looked so excited. 

I hope his date goes well. 

After a while, I took out my phone again. I was going to call but I hesitated again. 

_**Don’t bother him anymore, you selfish bastard.** _

I…

_Just call them, Tetsu._

I pressed the call button. 

“Sh-Shadow…?” 

Red’s voice was strained. He sounded tired but a little bit hopeful at the same time. 

But even if Red’s voice is a bit different than usual, my chests till started feeling lighter already. I viciously hated this feeling at first. It scared me. Even now I still feel a mixture of wanting this feeling and just hiding from this weird thing. I’m scared because why can just a simple thing like hearing Red’s voice – a person I’ve never met before – make me feel lighter? 

But right now, I just don’t care. Right now, I just… I just really want to hear Red’s voice. 

Even if it’s selfish of me. 

Even if it’s wrong. 

I just want to hear Red’s voice. 

“Hey, Red.”

“Shadow! It’s you! “

I answer back and I feel the corner of my lips twitching. 

“Yeah, it’s me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's been a while :)
> 
> Sorry for this late ass update. I've been having a lot of issues, as usual.
> 
> Life™ is still shit and I am struggling, as usual. The storm hasn't passed yet. *sighs* But my main problem right now is that my weight has been fluctuating like crazy. Like, in two or three days I'd lose 15 kilos and then gain 5 the next two days and then lose another 20 the next and just rinse and repeat. And I may not lead the healthiest lifestyle out there, I at least know that having your weight fluctuate like that in a matter of days can't be good for you. I'm still trying to find a way to deal with this so, yeah, my updates will be as random as usual. Sorry 'bout that xD
> 
> :3


	11. Red

“Yeah, it’s me.” 

 

Seijuurou takes another sharp breath at the confirmation, his mind still reeling from the sudden turn of event. Despite fervently hoping for it, he had refused to get his hopes up when his phone had rung and Shadow’s name had lit up the screen. Before he could stop it, his mind had already wandered into dark territories, feeding him with horrifying scenes of someone calling him and telling him that Shadow is dead. 

 

It took him twenty-eight seconds to pull himself together and press the accept button. 

 

“Red? You still there?” Shadow’s question violently rips him out of his dark thoughts and he squeezes his eye shut for a few seconds, willing his self to focus on the present. 

 

“I…yeah, I’m here.”

 

And awkward silence hangs between them. 

 

“How…are you?” Shadow asks haltingly. He sounded so unsure and Seijuurou grimaces at his own inability to break the awkwardness between them. 

 

“I’m…I’m fine. You?” 

 

“I…um…yeah. I’m…alive.” 

 

Seijuurou bites his lip. He really wants to ask Shadow as to what happened last time. How he was doing; if he was hurting. And who was the bastard that had threatened to kill him. But Seijuurou held himself back. He was afraid that if he pushed too much too fast Shadow would close up again. And even though he doesn’t have any basis, Seijuurou has the feeling that Shadow was about to never call him again; to cut Seijuurou off his life. 

 

And Seijuurou doesn’t want that. Not now. Not ever. 

 

And so, he backs off and tries to pretend that he’s not itching to know what really happened.

 

“That’s good, that’s good.” 

 

“Yeah. Also, Red, about the–“ 

 

“I was worried about you.” 

 

The words slip out of without his permission and Seijuurou suddenly feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

 

“…I know. You’re stupid like that, I know.”

 

“Hey, I’m not stu–“

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Shadows gratitude was spoken in a very soft voice and Seijuurou barely heard it but he did and the words made his heart feel warm.

 

“Hm. You’re welcome.” 

 

Seconds later, Seijuurou realises that tears were forming in his eyes when his vision of the hydrangeas had gotten hazy. 

 

_’Oh, am I crying again?’_

 

Seijuurou, carried away by the moment, sniffed loudly, only to realise his mistake as mortification crawled up his spine. 

 

“Red? Are you…crying?” 

 

“No, I’m not.” 

 

“You just sniffed.” 

 

“I did not.” 

 

“Yes, you did.” 

 

“It’s my allergy.” 

 

“But you said earlier that you didn’t sniff. Why didn’t you just say earlier that you had an allergy?” 

 

“I…shut up, Shadow.” 

 

Shadow laughs and despite the heavy tears trailing down his cheeks, Seijuurou couldn’t help but also laugh in an unsteady and watery way. 

 

A few moments pass and unlike earlier, the silence feels comfortable, familiar. Seijuurou lets out a soft sigh as he listens to Shadow’s steady breathing on the phone and looks up at the bright blue sky. He didn’t bother wiping his tears away. It felt good. It felt good to cry from relief and not from worry and fear. It felt good to feel the wet trails cooling on his cheeks as the wind blew around him. It felt good to hear Shadow’s steady breathing again. It felt good to spend a comfortable silence with Shadow again and just look up at the vast blue sky. 

 

“The blue sky reminds me of you.”

 

Seijuurou feels his cheeks heat up from embarrassment. He really needs a new brain-to-mouth filter, his current ones seem to be faulty. 

 

“Hm?”

 

“I–“ 

 

“Akashi Seijuurou-san?” a voice calls out and Seijuurou jumps slightly, caught off guard and he answers ‘yes?’ out of reflex. 

 

“It’s almost time,” the woman smiles kindly at Seijuurou and he nods as she leaves and goes back from where she came. 

 

“Akashi Seijuurou, huh?” 

 

Seijuurou freezes up when he hears his name uttered by the voice that he has been dying to hear from for the past few days. 

 

_’This is bad. This is really, really bad.’_

 

“So that’s why you’re ‘Red.’”

 

“Uh…yeah.”

 

“I like it. It suits you.” 

 

“Thank you,” Seijuurou, who has never really been fond or even cared about his name, feels another surge of warm feeling in his chest. 

 

“Do still want me to call you ‘Red?’”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I mean, I already know your name and you might feel awkward now so, maybe you want me to call you ‘Akashi-kun’ now or something. I don’t know. It’s your name, your choice.”

 

Seijuurou laughs lightly. 

 

“I’d like it if you still call me ‘Red,’ Shadow.” 

 

“Okay, Red.” 

 

Seijuurou’s toes curl. 

 

“Okay, Shadow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Omake:**
> 
>  
> 
> "I think you should go, there was a person calling for you earlier, right?" 
> 
>  
> 
> "Yeah, I should." 
> 
>  
> 
> "Okay. I'll hang up now. Talk to you later, Red." 
> 
>  
> 
> "Shadow, wait!" 
> 
>  
> 
> "What?"
> 
>  
> 
> "I..."
> 
>  
> 
> "Red?"
> 
>  
> 
> "Are you safe?" 
> 
>  
> 
> "...yes..."
> 
>  
> 
> "For now?"
> 
>  
> 
> "...yes..."
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ####
> 
> Yessss Shadow finally knows Red's name and things are starting to move ;) 
> 
> Hi :) It's been a while, as usual. Thank you for making it this far into my story :) My updates will still be random. Having to helplessly watch your life fall apart right in front of you is harder than I thought :) 
> 
> See you guys next time ^^


	12. Questions

Seijuurou is once again woken up by his phone and he reaches out to it by instinct as he glances at the digital clock on his bedside table. 

 

2:34 AM.

 

“Shadow?” 

 

“Red.” 

 

“You okay?” Seijuurou asks automatically as he sits up and turns on the lamp by his bed. Shadow sounded normal and it doesn’t seem like something bad was going to happen but still, some traumatic events are hard to forget and Seijuurou is still shaken from the last time Shadow called him like this despite the fact that Shadow had assured him that he was okay. 

 

Seijuurou’s new revelation also doesn’t help but, well, now’s not the time to think about that. 

 

“I’m fine. I just…I couldn’t sleep.” 

 

“Why?”

 

“Been thinking.”

 

“About what?”

 

“Well…it’s a little complicated. It’s…about my…friend,” Shadow finished lamely and Seijuurou holds back a laugh. 

 

Shadow sucks so much at lying. 

 

“Friend?” 

 

“Yes. Friend.”

 

“Okay. What’s up with your ‘friend’?” 

 

“Hey. I might not see you right now but I do know that you’re putting air quotes on the friend. It is about my friend.”

 

“Okay, okay. So, what’s up with your friend?”

 

“…”

 

“Shadow?” 

 

“Red, I swear to God…”

 

Seijuurou chuckles. 

 

“What? I’m not doing anything.”

 

“Yeah, right. Anyway, about my friend. So, my friend has a friend that they’ve never met before.” 

 

“Then, how did they become friends if they’ve never met before?” 

 

“I’m getting there, please shut up.” 

 

“Okay, okay. Sorry.”

 

“So, my friend and their friend. They’ve been, well, talking, on the phone. That’s how they became friends.” 

 

“Hm.”

 

“They…don’t know each other’s name or where they live or how the other looks like. Just their alias and how the other’s voice sounds like.” 

 

“Okay…”

 

“But today, my friend…well, you see, my friend went to the hospital today…,” at the mention of the hospital, Seijuurou felt the blood drain from his body. Suddenly, he now understands what Shadow was trying to say. “And well, while my friend was waiting for the doctor, they called their friend. They were at the…garden. And then, someone was also in the garden at the time. They uh, they didn’t really pay much attention to the other person at the time but then a nurse came and called the other person by the name which was also the name of my friend’s friend.”

 

“So…what you’re trying to say is, your friend now knows what their friend looks like?”

 

“Yes. But they have a question.” 

 

“…And what would the question be?” 

 

“Why was their friend at the hospital and why were they in a wheelchair?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi~
> 
> Yes, I'm still alive. And here. A short update after like two months because I'm a horrible writer. 
> 
> bye *rolls away*


	13. The Boy Who Had The Sky In His Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi 
> 
> It's my birthday today so I thought I'd update once again and give you guys a little gift :)
> 
> I hope this chapter isn't too disappointing 
> 
> See you guys next time :))

Seijuurou smoothes out his shirt again as he looks around the place for a familiar head of blonde hair. Yes, the place is only the hospital and he’s a patient so there’s really no need to dress up but that doesn’t mean that he can’t wear something that at least looks casual. Especially when he’s meeting Ryouta’s boyfriend. 

 

Ryouta’s boyfriend who’s in high school. 

 

 

_  
“Akashicchi…”_

_“Hm?”_

_“I got something to tell you.”_

_“Yeah? What is it?”_

_“You see…I got a boyfriend.”_

_“Oh, congratulations. Who’s the guy? Also, when are you going to introduce him?”_

_“Um, well. Soon. Just, uh, there’s one little thing that I have to tell you about him.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“He’s…he’s still in high school.”_

_“…”_

_“…”_

_“Ryouta…did you forget that you’re already in college? Also, this might sound wrong to other people. I mean, I know that you won’t take advantage of someone who’s younger than you like that. I’m pretty sure Shintarou and I have taught you better but this still sounds kind of wrong. “_

_“I know! But he’s only a year younger! And he’s graduating next year! And he was the one who asked me out! And I really do like him! I’m not just playing around but I also know that as long as he’s in high school this will always sound wrong so I wanted to warn you ahead of time!” Ryouta whines as he buries his face in his hands._

_“Hm. That’s fine. I don’t really mind that. But I do have to ask, is he serious about you? Are you sure that he’s dating you because he actually likes you and not just because you’re a model?”_

_Ryouta smiles and a fond look settles in his eyes._

_“Yes, I’m sure. He’s…he’s really great. And I know without a doubt that he likes me for me.”_

_“That’s good. So, when am I going to meet him?”_

_“I was thinking this Saturday. Is it okay for you, Akashicchi? No check-ups or anything?”_

_“No. I’m free that day.”_

_“Okay! That’s good!”  
_

 

 

Seijuurou chuckles at the memory. Ryouta is really endearing to see when he’s starting to like someone and this time, it looks like he’s really in deep. So of course, Seijuurou want to meet this person and make sure it’s not another asshole who only cares about Ryouta’s model status. 

 

Contrary to what people who're outside their group thinks, Seijuurou really does care for Ryouta and Ryouta is like the annoying little brother who never shuts up and is always enthusiastic about everything that needs to be protected from his own stupidity most of the time. So, of course, Seijuurou will intimidate the guy just a _little_ bit and if the guy turns out to be some asshole then Seijuurou will not hesitate to scare him off in a way that he won’t even think about breathing in Ryouta’s direction ever when Seijuurou’s done with him. 

 

Even if Ryouta had kindly asked him not to be mean to his boyfriend. 

 

 

_  
“Also Akashicchi, one more thing.”_

_“Yes?’_

_“Can you please not scare him off or do your intimidating king of hell thing? Please?”_

_“Hm.”_

_“Akashicchi! Please!”_

_“It depends.”_

_“…”_

_“I’ll try to behave.”_

_“…try?”_

_“Try.”_

_“That’s…that’s not really reassuring.”_

_”It’s not meant to be.”_

_Ryouta whines his name._

_“I will try to behave but if I don’t like what I see, I will not be nice anymore.”_

_“…okay. That’s fair.”_

_“Good.”  
_

 

 

“Akashicchi!”

 

Seijuurou turns to Ryouta’s voice and he sees him waving like mad, dragging a blue haired guy with him. They both sat down across to him and there were a few seconds where the three of them just stared at each other and if Seijuurou wasn’t busy keeping his face blank, he would’ve burst out laughing at just how awkward the situation was. 

 

“So, this is my friend Akashi Seijuurou and kind of like my second mother or as I’d like to call him, The Demon Emperor. Akashicchi, this is my boyfriend, Aomine Daiki!” 

 

 

###

 

 

It turns out; Seijuurou didn’t even need to intimidate the guy at all. He takes one look at Ryouta’s boyfriend and he just knew. 

 

Aomine Daiki looks at Ryouta like he’s the only one that matter in the whole world. Every time Ryouta smiles or glances at his direction or just breathe, really, Seijuurou could visibly see Aomine falling in deeper. Ryouta laughs and Aomine would suck in a breath as if he was losing oxygen and was feeling lightheaded. 

 

It seems like Ryouta has found someone who loves him the way he deserves to be loved. 

 

Seijuurou doesn’t have to worry after all. 

 

It’s not like the last time. 

 

Not at all. 

 

Seijuurou’s phone rings and rips him out of his musings. 

 

It’s Shadow and for the first time, Seijuurou hesitates. The conversation from last time still weighs heavily in Seijuurou’s mind and he doesn’t feel like he would be able to act nonchalantly after what happened last night. 

 

_  
“Why was their friend at the hospital and why were they in a wheelchair?”_

_Seijuurou’s blood freezes over and his grip on his phone tightens. Slowly, as if he was being seduced into looking, he turns his head to the side and there he sees his wheelchair, illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the window. The wheelchair has never really bothered him. It’s what it was meant to be and Seijuurou was actually a bit thankful for it for making his life a little easier and never thought that a time will come where he will resent it for being there. But he does right now. A small bit.  
What was Shadow’s question again? Why was he in the hospital? Why is he in a wheelchair? _

_Seijuurou takes a deep breath and tries to formulate an answer but instead, his mind fills up with the sound of bending metal, screaming and the suffocating smell of blood._

_**No.** _

_**Not right now.** _

_**No.** _

_Seijuurou feels the bile pounding at the back of his throat and he does the only thing he can think up to save himself from the questions._

_“What about your friend? Why were they in the hospital?”_

_Shadow falls silent and Seijuurou immediately feels bad. He knows that what he did was a cowardly thing to do and Shadow should really punch him in the face but Seijuurou’s…Seijuurou’s scared._

_Shadow did nothing wrong. He was merely curious, was probably just worried about Seijuurou and had tried to ask about him but Seijuurou did the asshole thing to do and had poked him right where it hurts._

_Seijuurou is a horrible, horrible person and Shadow was just trying to be nice and didn’t deserve any of it but Seijuurou is not ready to talk, he probably would never be, and so he did the most cowardly thing that he could think of._

_“I…I don’t really…know why my…friend needed to go. They didn’t tell me,” Shadow answers haltingly and bid Seijuurou good night after a few more seconds of tense silence._

_Shadow cuts off the call before Seijuurou could bid him a good night as well and he’s left staring at the screen of his phone, hating himself as his stomach turned.  
_

 

 

“Hey.” 

 

“Hey, Red.” 

 

Seijuurou tries to say something but the guilt from last night stops him and another tense silence fills the space between them.  
He should apologise, right? He should. And at least try to say that he doesn’t really want to say something about the whole wheelchair thing. At least for now. It’s easy, right? 

 

He can’t really answer Shadow’s question but he can at least be honest and tell Shadow that he doesn’t really want to talk about it, right? 

 

Right. 

 

“Shadow, I—“

 

“Do you wanna hear a story?” 

 

“I—what?”

 

“Do you wanna hear a story?”

 

“Um, yeah, sure.”

 

“Okay. Good. So, the story’s about a little boy who had the sky in his eyes.”

 

“The sky?” 

 

“Yeah. The sky,” Shadow takes a deep breath for a few seconds and starts talking again. “So, some years ago, there was a little boy who had the sky in his eyes. The boy had inherited the sky from his father and everyone around him had always praised his eyes since he was a kid. People praised the boy about how beautiful the sky was in his eyes and the boy’s mother would lovingly caress his face every time and tell him how much the sky in his eyes resembled the one in his father’s. The boy’s mother would tell him how much she loved him and the boy’s father always told him that he and his mother was his father’s treasure and that he would always love him, no matter what. The boy with the sky in his eyes grew up loved until one day, the boy’s father disappeared. They searched and searched and searched and searched and every night, the boy’s mother would look into his eyes and his mother would always say that they would not give up searching for his father. A year passed. The sky in the boy’s eyes stayed the same and the boy’s mother would always look at him whenever she felt like giving up until one night when the boy’s mother felt the hopelessness crushing her very being, the phone rang. The ringing of the phone felt like thunder for the boy. It felt dangerous. Harmful. Filled with malicious intent. The boy tried to warn the mother not to touch the phone but he was too late. His mother had already been hit with the thunder. The boy watched as the tears fell one after another from his mother’s golden eyes and she crumpled to the floor like a marionette abandoned by her owner. The boy’s father had been found. And the sky in his father’s eyes was…dead.” 

 

Shadow takes another deep breath. 

 

“The boy felt his world tilting to the side, making everything wrong. The sky inside the boy’s eyes started to change and the boy was just going to let the change happen without doing anything but then the boy remembered his mother. The person who loved the sky in his eyes and loved the person who had given him the sky and the boy thought that, no, he will not let the sky change. He will be strong and help his mother. The boy remembers his father saying that as long as they had each other nothing was too much, nothing was impossible. So the boy resisted the change and went to look for his mother. But the boy’s mother had already let go. The part of the boy’s mother who had loved his father had already died. What was left was nothing but a mere shell of the boy’s mother. A shell left with nothing but misery and anger for the world.”

 

“The boy comes running in, looking for his mother and instead of the soft and kind eyes that the boy’s mother always had, there was nothing there but anger. The boy was nothing but a reminder of what was lost. The sky in the boy’s eyes that was once loved was now hated and resented. The sky in the boy’s eyes was nothing but a poor imitation and his very being a cruel joke from the heavens. Nothing but a curse.” 

 

“So, slowly, over the years, the sky in the boy’s eyes changed bit by bit. The sky started to let go a little piece of itself a bit each day. Until the day came that the sky died. And so did the little boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Omake:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> "So, I'm gonna go now, Red."
> 
>  
> 
> "Shadow, wait!"
> 
>  
> 
> "...yes?"
> 
>  
> 
> "I...I don't think that the boy was cursed. And none of it was his fault. And I...I still like sky blue." 
> 
>  
> 
> "...okay, Red." 
> 
>  
> 
> "Okay, Shadow."


	14. Sei-kun~!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took me two hours to upload this chapter because my internet connection is slower than internet explorer.

“Hey.”

 

“Hey,” Seijuurou answers back and an awkward silence hangs between them. 

 

Shadow clears his throat. “Well, this is awkward.”

 

Seijuurou laughs at Shadow’s dry remark and couldn’t help but shake his head lightly. “Well, yeah. I mean, if you managed to be casual with me after everything that happened, I’d be really impressed.”

 

“Hm, yeah, you’re right. Like, how am I supposed to just talk casually to someone after revealing to them my life story?” Shadow laughs lightly. “Anyway, how are you doing?”

 

“I’m doing good. You?”

 

“I’m, well, having an okay day, I guess.” 

 

“Okay day?”

 

“Hm.”

 

Seijuurou wanted to ask more but it seemed like Shadow was not going to elaborate. At least he doesn’t seem to be hurt.  
And now lies the problem of how can he prolong their conversation. On a normal day Seijuurou could’ve just easily opened up a new topic but right now the awkwardness was just too much that he could taste it. 

 

_Ah, fuck it._

 

“Shadow, it’s hard to come up with something when you answer with ‘hm.’ Please, give me more materials to work with here.”  
Shadow bursts out laughing and Seijuurou feels a little bit proud that he’s made Shadow laugh. 

 

“Sorry ‘bout that. Awkward and all,” Shadow apologizes lightly and Seijuurou could hear the smile playing on his lips. “Well, I saw you earlier today. You looked better than last time.” 

 

Seijuurou’s eyes widen at that. 

 

“What? Were you here earlier? When?” 

 

Shadow huffs and Seijuurou could almost see the smug smirk on Shadow’s lips. 

 

“Around lunch. By the garden.”

 

Seijuurou instantly replays his memory of his day, searching for someone, hoping that someone would stand out from it but ultimately, it was useless. There were so many people that day at the hospital and except for the colour of his eyes, Seijuurou knew nothing else about Shadow, appearance wise. 

 

“Whoa. Slow down there, Sherlock. I can literally hear you thinking from over here,” Shadow says, snickering lightly. 

 

Seijuurou huffs. 

 

“You’re mean.”

 

“You’re just easy to tease.”

 

“It’s just not fair.”

 

“What’s not fair?”

 

“That you know my name and what I look like while I barely know anything about you.”

 

“Well, it’s not my fault that you don’t know shit.” 

 

“Hm. Kinda disappointed.”

 

“’Bout what?”

 

“I really thought you were going to use that John Snow meme just now.” 

 

“Eh. I wasn’t sure if you watch Game of Thrones.” 

 

“You missed an opportunity. Such a shame.”

 

“Such a shame, indeed.”

 

There were a few moments of silence where Seijuurou finds himself bursting with an unknown feeling inside his chest. Something that was struggling desperately against his rib cage to escape. 

 

“So, will you at least tell me your name? In exchange for you knowing my full name, what I look like and where I’m currently residing?” 

 

“Hmm...nah.”

 

“Oh, come on. It’s not like I’m asking for a picture. You can still stalk me whenever you want.”

 

Shadow laughs. 

 

“I’m not a stalker and even if I was, I wouldn’t stalk you, you know. And the answer is still no, Red.” 

 

Seijuurou huffs again. 

 

“No fair.” 

 

“Nothing in life is ever fair, Red.” 

 

“You can at least give me your name, Shadow. I don’t think you’ll die from that.” 

 

“Nah. You might track me down using some NASA satellite shit and then send me arsenic in the mail or something.” 

 

Seijuurou is caught off guard by what Shadow said and he laughs and laughs until he’s almost curling on his bed, clutching his aching stomach. 

 

“I don’t know why that sounds so funny to me, but it does. And okay, first of all, I don’t have any connection to NASA or know anyone who has the authority that can just use the NASA satellite like a GPS tracker whenever they like. Second, I don’t even know where to get arsenic. Third, if I know you and where you live, why would I send you arsenic? And fourth, why arsenic?” 

 

“First, hey, I don’t know, you may have those connections or you could actually be a member of a syndicate who kidnaps people and sells their organs on the black market and this is your way of gaining a person’s trust. Second, I don’t know either. Third, maybe you could be a psychopath who likes to kill people through their mails. Fourth, I don’t know. It just randomly popped up in my brain.” 

 

“Why did we even reach this topic? I was just asking for your name,” Seijuurou asks, still laughing. 

 

“You were asking for my name and I told you no because you might kill me.” 

 

“Asking for any information about you is like pulling teeth from a person who’s valiantly putting up a fight.”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t want you to think that I’m easy, Mr Akashi.”

 

“Oh god, no. Please don’t call me like that. The only one who gets called like that is my father and it feels weird for you to call me like that,” Seijuurou grimaces, shaking his head even though Shadow can’t see him. 

 

“Should I call you Sei-kun then?” Shadow asks with a teasing lilt in his voice and embarrassingly enough, Seijuurou feels his cheeks heat up from hearing Shadow say his name like that.

 

“Oh, shut up.”

 

“Oh? Is it just me or do I hear you being embarrassed?”

 

“…”

 

_Oh no._

 

“Am I right?” 

 

“…”

 

Shadow chuckles.

 

“Awww, is Sei-kun embarrassed right now?” 

 

“…”

 

“Sei-kun~!”

 

“Oh my god. Shadow please shut up.” 

 

Shadow’s peals of laughter seem to make its home inside Seijuurou’s heart.


	15. It Won't Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second update in the same day but just a short one because I haven't updated in like a month. Life is just beating the shit out of me. Also, things just cost so much. Why is life so expensive? :'DD

His phone rings at 2:32 AM.

 

Seijuurou picks his phone with a fluidity that is born out of familiarity. 

 

"Shadow."

 

"Red."

 

"What's up?"

 

"Hm."

 

"Uh?"

 

"Hmm."

 

"Sha—"

 

"Tetsuya."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Tetsuya. That's my name."

 

"I...Thank you for telling me, Shadow"

 

"I don't know why you want to know my name so bad but there you go."

 

"Thank you, Shadow."

 

"It's not like it's gonna matter anyway."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Even if you know my name or what I look like, you still won't see me."

 

"What do you mean by tha—"

 

The line cuts off.


	16. A Shadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was reading over the past chapters and I noticed that I had so many mistakes so I'm just gonna say here that it's probably obvious but I don't have a beta reader. So if you guys find some mistakes please keep it in mind that I didn't mean it and just ignore it or tell me. My soul literally shrivels whenever I spot an error :'''D

_Oh, no._

 

_No._

 

_Not this shit again._

 

With a touch of vindictiveness, Seijuurou dials Shadow’s phone number, his heart hammering against his ribcage and a bit of anger simmering under his skin. 

 

On the fourth ring, Shadow picks up his phone. 

 

“What did you mean by that?” 

 

“What?”

 

“By what you said earlier.”

 

“Which one?”

 

“When you said that I still won’t see you.”

 

“What about it?”

 

Seijurou takes in a silent breath, trying to cool down his anger. 

 

“What did you mean by it? Why won’t I see you?” 

 

“I…seriously?”

 

“What?”

 

“Do you seriously not realize this?”

 

“What?”

 

Shadow sighs.

 

“You do know my ‘alias,’ right?”

 

“’Shadow?’ Yeah. What about it?”

 

Shadow sighs again. 

 

“That’s exactly what I am. I’m a shadow.”

 

“…”

 

“Do you ever wonder how I never get into trouble even though I call you almost every day and on school hours too?” 

 

“Yeah. I wanted to ask you but I held back.”

 

“It’s because I’m a shadow, Red,” Shadow explains with a bit of resignation in his voice. “I have a very low presence. Almost no one sees me on a daily basis. Unless I call them out, no one will notice me. That’s why I don’t go to my classes. It won’t matter. My teachers will just assume I’m there, even though I’m not. Even my friend doesn’t notice me sometimes. I’m literally a shadow. So, even if I tell you what I look like, you still won’t see me. Unless I call out to you, you will never see me.” 

 

Shadow’s voice drops on the last sentence and Seijuurou could feel his sadness as it if was his own. 

 

“I’ll see you. I’ll always see you, Tetsuya.”

 

“I…did you not hear me earlier? I literally told you seconds ago that you won’t see me.” 

 

“I will. I’ll see you.”

 

“You stubborn ass! I’m telling you, you can’t.”

 

“I will. I know I will.”

 

“What? Do you have some kind of third eye or something?”

 

“I know I’ll see you.”

 

“You won’t.”

 

“I will.”

 

“You won’t.”

 

“I will.”

 

“I’m telling you, you won’t.”

 

“Let’s make a bet then.”

 

“Bet?”

 

“Yes, a bet. When I finally learn what you look like, you’ll come and see me. If I see you, I win. If I don’t, you win.” 

 

“What would be the prize then?”

 

“Whatever the winner wants.”

 

“…”

 

“Deal?”

 

“…Deal.”

 

“Good.”

 

“You still won’t see me though.”

 

“I’ll see you, Tetsuya. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Omake:**
> 
>  
> 
> “Why did you have to suddenly cut off the line like that then when you could’ve just told me right away?”
> 
>  
> 
> “What?”
> 
>  
> 
> “After you told me your name. Why did you just hung up?”
> 
>  
> 
> “…”
> 
>  
> 
> “Hm?”
> 
>  
> 
> “…”
> 
>  
> 
> “Shadow?”
> 
>  
> 
> “…”
> 
>  
> 
> “Tetsuy—“
> 
>  
> 
> “Shut up.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Wha—“
> 
>  
> 
> “Shut up.”
> 
>  
> 
> “…”
> 
>  
> 
> “…”
> 
>  
> 
> “…”
> 
>  
> 
> “…I just told you my name…”
> 
>  
> 
> “And…?”
> 
>  
> 
> “You know…my name.”
> 
>  
> 
> “…”
> 
>  
> 
> “…”
> 
>  
> 
> “Wait…”
> 
>  
> 
> “…”
> 
>  
> 
> “You mean you were embarra—“
> 
>  
> 
> “Shut up.”
> 
>  
> 
> “…”
> 
>  
> 
> “…”
> 
>  
> 
> “Oh.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Shut up.”
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> And billions and billions of wild winged creatures had made their home inside Seijuurou’s rib cage.


	17. Koi Fishes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi yes im alive

It's 3:08 in the morning and this time, it’s Seijuurou who calls. 

 

He doesn’t even know why he’s calling Shadow, he doesn’t have any reason or anything to say. They’ve already talked earlier after Ryouta had visited and had excitedly informed him that they’ve finally found a lead to his long lost cousin. Shintarou had visited too, along with Kazunari. 

 

Shadow had called around five in the afternoon and they talked about nothing but mundane things. He could tell just by Shadow’s voice that the other was still embarrassed about what happened last time and even though he knows that it’s mean for him to feel happy that Shadow was being embarrassed, he still can’t help but feel a bit happy and giddy at the thought. 

 

Because it has to mean something right? 

 

Seijuurou’s eyes feel heavy and he’s tired, but for some reason, he still can’t sleep. He had laid down his bed and had tossed and turned for almost five hours and still, he couldn’t fall asleep. When the clock on his bedside table had glared 3:00 AM into his face, the idea of calling Shadow came into his mind. 

 

On the second ring, Shadow picks up the call. 

 

“Hello, Red,” Shadow sounded perfectly awake and Seijuurou’s slight worry of waking the other up quickly vanished into nothing, Thinking back to their other conversations, it seems like he didn’t have to worry at all. 

 

“Good morning, Shadow.”

 

“So, what’s up?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Did something happen? You usually don’t call at ungodly hours of the day. That’s my thing, Red.”

 

“Ah, well…you see…” Seijuurou chuckles lightly as he scratches the back of his head, searching for some viable reason but found none. “Well, I don’t really know.” 

 

Seijuurou hears Shadow laugh at the other end. 

 

 

“Can’t sleep?”

 

“No. I’ve been tossing and turning for five hours now.” 

 

 

“Hm, well, what do you want to talk about?”

 

 

Seijuurou scratches his cheek. 

 

“I actually have no idea.” 

 

A few seconds of silence falls between them and if it weren’t for the faint rustles from Shadow’s end, Seijuurou would’ve thought that the other had already fallen asleep. 

 

“Well, why don’t you tell me something random about you?”

 

“Well, after you told me about clouds, I’ve actually been looking at them frequently now.” 

 

“And?”

 

“And whenever I look at the clouds, I can’t help but think about how it would feel like if I had wings and I would fly through those clouds.” 

 

“Well, you’ll get wet. Because as you said, clouds are just water.”

 

Seijuurou laughs. “You never forgot that, did you?”

 

“Nope,” Shadow chuckles. “Tell me more.”

 

"Well, it’ just that really. Also, the clouds really do looks nice. It’s like, I know clouds are natural and real but sometimes I can’t help but think that they look too beautiful to be real. They look like something out of an artwork or a Ghibli movie.” 

 

 

Shadow laughs. 

 

“Yeah, they do, don’t they? I think it’s one of the reasons why I like looking at them. They look too nice to be real but they _are_ real.” 

 

“What about you, Shadow?”

 

“What about me?”

 

“Want to say something random?” 

 

“I…I wanna see Koi fishes.”

 

“Koi fishes?” 

 

“Yeah. Those really big ones.” 

 

“Why?”

 

“…”

 

“Shadow?”

 

“My…father was an architect. He used to design a lot of buildings. Some of those enormous buildings in Tokyo were designed by him.” Shadow stops talking and takes a deep breath. As if he was steeling himself for something. “I can’t be entirely sure but I think he was pretty good at what he did. He did a lot of projects. And once, he had this very rich client who had him design a mansion with an enormous Koi fish pond. Apparently, his client was very fond of Koi fishes and had quite a collection.” 

 

Shadow stops again and clears his throat a few times. 

 

“I remember seeing him frequently working on that project. He was so passionate about it. In those times, I’ve always thought that my dad looked so cool. After a while, the mansion was finished and his client invited us to have dinner at their house and see the Kois. I really wanted to see the fishes because my father kept talking about them and I had gotten very curious but on the day that we were supposed to have dinner, I got a fever and I had to stay at home. So both my parents went while a neighbour looked after me. After the dinner, my father told me about those enormous and colourful Kois. He promised me that he’d take me to that mansion when I get better so I could see for myself but, well, that didn’t happen. So, yeah. I want to see giant Koi fishes.”

 

“Don’t worry. We’re going to see them.”

 

“We?”

 

“Yes. We.”

 

“…I am amazed by how confident you are while saying that. How can you even be sure that we’ll see it together?”

 

“Well, I know a place where you can see giant Koi fishes and I’m going to take you there, so yes, ‘we.’”

 

“Hm.”

 

“You don’t sound convinced but I know we will. I promise you that.”

 

Shadow clears his throat. “Okay. Enough of that sappy stuff. It’s your turn to say another random thing.”

 

Seijuurou couldn’t help but laugh as he says another random thing about himself. He remembers the empty hours he spent tossing and turning in his bed and thinks that she should’ve called Shadow instead. Time spent talking with Shadow is never wasted. 

 

He couldn’t help but smile when a warm feeling expands in his chest as he hears Shadow laugh on the other side of the phone. 

 

 

“I like you, Tetsuya.”

 

 

A gasp.

 

 

The sensation of cold air filling Seijuurou’s head. 

 

 

It’s 4:46 AM and Seijuurou cuts off the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Akakuro week everyone!


	18. Midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi yes im still alive :'D

Seijuurou reaches out for his cell phone but stops midway. His hand hangs awkwardly in the air and Seijuurou’s phone glints in the afternoon light. It’s as if it’s staring accusingly after him. 

 

He lets his hand fall and instead clutches his stomach. He feels sick. Every time he closes his eyes, he hears Shadow’s gasp and everything just start spinning. 

 

He shouldn’t have done that. He shouldn’t have said anything. He should’ve kept his damn mouth shut. It was a moment of weakness. He had gotten too carried away with how he was feeling and let himself be weak. And now…now he’s fucked everything up. 

 

Shadow must hate him now. He must be disgusted with him. Shadow will never want to talk to him again. He might’ve already blocked Seijuurou’s number. And it was all Seijuurou’s fault. All because he couldn’t keep his fucking mouth shut. 

 

He fucked up. 

 

Seijuurou fucked up. 

 

And now…now Shadow’s going to…

 

Something hot dripping on Seijuurou’s arm startles him out of his thoughts and he looks down to see a drop of water running down his arm. As he blinked, more dropped onto his arm and it takes him a few seconds to realize that those were his tears. 

 

“Huh? W-What am I…?” Seijuurou tries to wipe his tears away but it keeps on falling. He wipes and wipes and wipes away but it doesn’t stop. And the void in his chest keeps getting bigger. 

 

_He’s going to lose Shadow._

 

Even as he falls asleep and surrenders to exhaustion, Shadow’s gasp still rings in Seijuurou’s ears. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seijuurou wakes up a while later, the clock on his bedside table telling him it’s exactly midnight. 

 

He pushes himself up slowly and looks around the room. For some weird reason, he feels like he’s being watched. His eyes sweep the room and lands on the dark corner of his room where his wheelchair is located. Nothing seems to be off. 

 

He was about to look away when he sees something twitch beside his wheelchair. 

 

Seijuurou’s heart races and as he was about to press the nurse-call button, a black shape leaps out from the shadows towards him. 

 

In an instant, Seijuurou’s pinned down to his bed, unable to move. He was about to yell out for help when a familiar voice angrily growls at him. 

 

“What is wrong with you!?”

 

At the words, Seijuurou looks at his assailant and sees angry sky blue eyes glaring straight to his own. 

 

Sky blue eyes…?

 

 

“Shadow?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure with how I feel about this. I'm trying out some stuff and this happened. I wrote this during my english class so, I dunno man *insert shrug emoji*
> 
>  
> 
> this will be multiple chapters but each chapter will be short. about 500 words each, i think 
> 
>  
> 
> :3


End file.
